


#bringdownthe12

by modelinmate



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, Parody, Post S3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:39:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25021798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/modelinmate/pseuds/modelinmate
Summary: the internet goes viral with the very factual story about how a star-crossed romance between an international assassin and british intelligence agent undermined a russian conspiracy plot to end democracy as we know itor something
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 33
Kudos: 184





	#bringdownthe12

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** god do i own nothing in this. no one sue me pls.
> 
> **Warnings:** Mentions of suicide, both flippant and serious. Specifically, MI6/the police continuing to use suicide to cover up various crimes in canon.
> 
> **A/N:** This is meant to be read with the Creator's Style turned on. Otherwise it's just a drab and totally pointless fic so.

**To:** jamie.hayward@bitterpill.com  
**From:** mojafari@gmail.com  
**Subject:** open only if i've been murdered

> Jamie,
> 
> If this email finds you, it's only because I am dead which, all things considered, is a bit of a bummer. I'm contacting you because I do not trust MI6. (Should that be past tense? Sorry. This is really morbid. I might be drinking. Anyway.) MI6 is everything my parents warned me about. Especially if it does actually kill me. Sure, it has its benefits, but if I die I'll regret not just quitting and tour guiding for a museum.
> 
> How hard can it be? You just say, hey look at all this stuff England stole because it has no culture of its own outside of Harry Potter and James Bond, which just for the record, is somehow not actually worse than the real job. Amazing, considering just how horrible those movies are. Have you ever tried to sit through one of them?
> 
> But I digress.
> 
> Overseer Paul Bradwell is working for the Twelve. He may have ordered Kenny Stowton's death. The investigation into the Twelve is endless. And while I respect her, I suspect so is Carolyn Martens's involvement. I have not had enough time to make full sense of all the reports I have attached below. I'm hoping you can take over. Much was never recorded, and as I'm sure you're aware, no paper trail is especially worth noting. Good luck.
> 
> Regards,
> 
> Dearly Departed Mo
> 
> **attached below:  
>  **bsXXXVIII.pdf

**To:** evepolastri@yahoo.com  
**From:** just.bear@bitterpill.com  
**Subject:** Mo Jafari

> Hey Eve, it's Bear. I have no idea if you still use this address, but I thought I'd give it a shot. It was painfully easy to find actually. You might want to look into that or stop using it immediately if you haven't already. Anyway, Jamie has no idea I'm contacting you, so let's keep this between us. Mo Jafari set up a dummy account to send us certain documents of interest should he die, which, you know…he did. RIP. I'm not gonna send you the attachments because I honestly don't think any good will come of you having them, but I just thought you should know: Jamie has decided to complete Kenny's article. And you're still doing the whole on-the-run thing. I have no idea if this will put you in more danger or not so stay safe and lie low.
> 
> -Bear
> 
> (I'm sorry but this must be repeated. It's 2019. Seriously why are you still using yahoo?)

* * *

**INTELLIGENCE REPORT 2018/134 **

OFFICE OF C. MARTENS, RUSSIAN DESK Monday 26 February 2018

MEMORANDUM FOR: D. KELLER  
P. BRADWELL  
H. JACOBSON

SUBJECT: Request for further funding

**OVERVIEW**

  * Evidence of a private organization has come out of [redacted] Unnamed, as of now, it is assassinating peoples of great importance. We believe they have been active globally for at least two years. Goal yet undetermined. There is reason to believe they are accelerating.



**KEY POINTS**

  1. [redacted] [redacted] was killed in [redacted] in an airport restroom during a business trip. [redacted] was known to us to be affiliated with the [redacted] Group.
  2. On [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] was found dead in a [redacted] hotel room. [redacted] was suspected of donating to the [redacted] campaign in 2017.



* * *

**the truth must be swallowed** @theBitterPill  
The Secret Assassin Organization MI6 Helped Bury btrpl.co/Lg4KM3

**The Independent** @Independent  
Unnamed source comes forward with leaked MI6 reports www.independent.co.u…

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @theBitterPill  
the most important story you will read all year!!! 📢 #bringdownthe12 #supportmyromanticlife

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @villanellenews  
since when do you have a twitter?

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
twitter is the tool of the times. we must respect it. I made yours remember?

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @villanellenews  
you hate social media

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
because it is borinG. and I have a life

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @villanellenews  
how the hell are you verified?

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
I have a lot of followers. don't be jealous! I only follow you xoxo

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
@tallulahshark you're supposed to use the hashtag btw

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
that is how trending works

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
fine #bringdownthe12 #MI6leaks

* * *

**The Secret Assassin Organization MI6 Helped Bury**

Leaked reports indicate MI6 ignored suspicions of a rising criminal organization based out of Russia. We take an in depth look at the past year of deceit.

By Jamie Hayward & Kenny Stowton | @jhayward | 17 Sept 2019, 9:30 am BST

Knob off. Dress on. That was how Frank Haleton's body was found in May of 2018. He was murdered after he believed to be secured in a government safe house. At the time of his death, Haleton was an agent of MI5. He had recently lost his wife to cancer and left behind a two children. An avid follower of the Premier League, Haleton was the everyday appearance of an upstanding citizen. But Frank Haleton had a darker side.

He was working as a double agent for an underground Russian organization known as the Twelve. When it looked as though he was about to turn on them, the Twelve sent in an assassin to rid the threat of Frank Haleton. Highly trained, the assassin had no issue incapacitating three MPS officers before killing and castrating Haleton in a gruesome scene.

This, and many other deaths, all potentially could have been prevented had MI6 listened to mounting reason.

Leaked MI6 reports show that going back to at least late 2017, there were concerns of a pattern of assassinations coming out of Russia. Further funding for the investigation was requested. Further funding for the investigation was denied. Directors at MI6 saw no reason to delve deeper.

Read More at thebitterpill.com

* * *

**Keiko Pargrave** @KeikoPargrave  
@theBitterPill leave my husband's murder out of your reporting.

**Elena Felton** @elfelts  
oof I felt that latest @theBitterPill story

**Elena Felton** @elfelts  
as much as I enjoyed my time at MI5/6, I am much happier doing community management

**Ginny Potts** @Pot_o_Gin  
Replying to @elfelts  
Can I ask why? working for secret intelligence sounds like a movie

**Elena Felton** @elfelts  
Replying to @Pot_o_Gin  
everyone died :/

**Elena Felton** @elfelts  
But other than that, it was a great job! Carolyn Martens remains a stone cold G O D D E S S #swoon

* * *

**Kenny Stowton, Rest in Peace**

The danger of MI6 using suicide as a cover for murder.

By Audrey Allen | @AudreyAllens | Updated 24 Sept 2019, 11:00 am BST

Paul Bradwell and Kenny Stowton. Two men who couldn't have had less in common. And two men who are forever linked.

I first met Kenny Stowton over a morning game of office foosball. Fresh off of working for MI6, he was nervous but rejuvenated by entering into the world of journalism. Jaded by his past work, he knew the importance of unbiased reporting to the public. Kenny had a positive and optimistic outlook on exposing the truth in order to better the world.

Read More at thebitterpill.com

* * *

**Audrey Allen** @AudreyAllens  
Hey guys, I wrote my first article for @theBitterPill btrpl.co/Tr6yUh9

**Audrey Allen** @AudreyAllens  
It's somewhat heavy. I dropped a link for crisis hotlines in my profile if you need to reach out.

**#justiceforGemma** @RogerChapman  
Replying to @theBitterPill  
My daughter #GemmaChapman was murdered in a storage locker. MI6 covered it up. They said it was suicide.

**#justiceforGemma** @RogerChapman  
Please help spread the word. My wife and I have fought very hard to keep hope alive. She did not kill herself.

**Three boys, a goat, and a dancing bear!** @justbear  
Replying to @RogerChapman  
Would you be willing to go on the record with that?

**#justiceforGemma** @RogerChapman  
Replying to @justbear  
Absolutely.

* * *

**Why Did MI6 Cover Up the Murder of a School Teacher?**

For the past year, two parents have been fighting for answers regarding their daughter's death.

By Bear | @justbear | 29 Sept 2019, 10:30 am BST

In the summer of 2018, Gemma Chapman tragically died in a coworker's storage unit while helping him move. It didn't make more than the local London news. There was seemingly nothing of note. Reports were that Gemma Chapman killed herself in front of the fellow school teacher she had fallen in love with because he did not return her feelings. The story was quickly laid to rest in the eyes of the public, perhaps now in hindsight, suspiciously so.

Gemma's parents, Roger and Dina Chapman, have fought tirelessly to keep her name out there. They are certain their daughter did not commit suicide and was, in fact, murdered. They have reason to believe MI6 may have covered up the crime and recently reached out to us at here at Bitter Pill to share their suspicions. I spoke on the phone with Roger Chapman to discuss his daughter's–as of now–closed case. Below is a lightly edited transcript of our conversation.

**Hello, I won't start as I typically do and ask you how you are doing. I can only imagine how difficult it is to keep talking about your daughter's death.**

Thank you. It has cost us a lot, but my wife and I would never forgive ourselves if we let her rest without justice.

**I won't delay and drag this out. Let's jump right in. Police concluded that Gemma committed suicide. You have never believed that to be true. Why not?**

She wasn't depressed. Gemma wasn't the type. They tried to make it seem like she was. They pointed out she lived alone with a cat, was never married, as though any of that is indicative of taking your own life. They painted our daughter as desperate for a married man's attention to the point where she didn't wish to live without him. We were a close family. Gemma would have reached out to us or her sister or her aunt if she ever needed to. There's also the rest of it.

**Yes, the rest of it. That's why you came to us. How exactly does this tie in with our recent reports on MI6?**

The man who she was supposedly in love with, her coworker, his name is Niko Polastri. I had never met him, and when I tried contacting him after, I was told he was in a hospital for PTSD. Here was the man who was there when our daughter died, and we couldn't speak to him. It felt hopeless, so I began looking him up online. He seemed like a perfectly normal bloke. He's Polish. He's a bridge champion. I nearly gave up until finally, he called us back. He was devastated and apologetic. I want to be clear, I don't think he had anything to do with this, but there was something underlying our brief conversation. You could tell he wanted to say more. But he mentioned his wife and her job, and that's when it all changed.

**Would you be surprised to know that we agreed to this interview because Niko Polastri's wife at the time was working for MI6? In fact, Eve Polastri was part of an ongoing investigation into an assassin that had already killed several people within her social circle.**

I wouldn't be surprised of anything. We only want the truth no matter how horrifying. I know in my heart MI6 is somehow behind this, especially with everything that's come out recently. But sadly there are only two people who know what exactly happened that day: Niko Polastri and whoever killed my daughter.

Read More at thebitterpill.com

* * *

**The Guardian** @guardian  
The History of MI6 Using Suicide as a Cover gu.com/p/8gadc

**anarchyintheuk.mp3** @jimjmjmjmj  
Replying to @guardian  
the corrupt media trying to pretend that this is news~ the government killing people and lying about it is as old as time #MI6leaks

**Evening Standard** @standardnews  
Police confirm MI6 spy Paul Bradwell's death was suicide www.standard.com.uk/n...

**be a rainbow in someone else's cloud** @geraldinebean  
I understand that when a loved one dies you feel the need to search for answers. But sometimes the answer is staring you in the face. (1/19)

**be a rainbow in someone else's cloud** @geraldinebean  
Replying to @geraldinebean  
Instead of finding excuses for alternative and less painful answers we should find compassion. Look inside yourself. (2/19)

**be a rainbow in someone else's cloud** @geraldinebean  
Replying to @geraldinebean  
Ask yourself what you could have done better in order to reach out. Suicide is difficult to grasp but it does occur at worrying rates. (3/19)

**be a rainbow in someone else's cloud** @geraldinebean  
Replying to @gerladinebean  
Allow yourself to wear your emotions. Allow yourself to connect with someone else's pain. Your feelings are ALWAYS valid. (4/19)

* * *

UK TOP NEWS October 2, 2019, 11:55 AM

**SIS denies allegations of a cover up in Chapman case**

LONDON (Reuters) – MI6 denied to us earlier this week that the death of a London school teacher last July was of suspicious causes. On 08 July 2018, Gemma Chapman, 31, was found dead in a storage locker being rented out by coworker, Niko Polastri. Polastri was cleared of all charges as detectives concluded Chapman's death was a suicide.

The parents of Chapman have campaigned across various social media sites in an effort to reopen their daughter's case. They have cause to believe her death occurred under mysterious circumstances and that suicide is inconclusive. They recently spoke to online news publication The Bitter Pill, making claims that MI6 covered up Chapman's murder at the hands of a possible assassin MI6 was investigating. Polastri's wife at the time, Eve, had been a part of that operation.

Niko Polastri reached out to us to tell his side of the story publicly. When asked why now, he responded saying, "It's the right thing to do." A close friend and colleague at the St. Theobald School, Gemma Chapman's death has weighed heavily on him, and he claims to, "no longer want to hold back." Much happened in the investigation his ex-wife was a member of, and Polastri no longer has any fears of divulging.

**AN ATTACK IN POLAND**

The past year hasn't been kind to Polastri. He was the victim of his own attack in his native Poland this past March. His vocal cords were destroyed, and he now communicates through a speech synthesizer. The voice the software provides is American. It's a stark reminder of how precious identity is. Polish authorities found no perpetrator, and his own case remains open, but Polastri says he knows who attempted to murder him with a farming pitchfork. Unsolicited, his ex-wife informed him that it was a former assassin, Dasha Duzran, working for the same organization, known as the Twelve, that MI6 had previously been investigating.

Continue reading at uk.reuters.com

* * *

**BBC News (World)** @BBCWorld  
Who was Dasha Duzran? The Former KGB Assassin That Trained Recruits for the Twelve bbc.in/9gDD5y1

**BBC News (World)** @BBCWorld  
Replying to @BBCWorld  
FSB agent Vladimir Betkin calls Duzran, "a traitor." Says she, "betrayed her own country" during the Cold War.

**BBC News (World)** @BBCWorld  
Replying to @BBCWorld  
"There would have been no hero's welcome waiting here for her. We should build a statue for whoever killed her," says Betkin.

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @BBCWorld  
do you hear that @tallulahshark STATUES!

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
@tallulahshark do you think they would be willing to make a piggyback one?

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
@tallulahshark you can be on top again if you want 👀

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @villanellenews  
delete your account

* * *

**r/IAmA**

**MyDadsInCuba** • 1h

**I Am the Daughter of a Handler of the Twelve. AMA.**

Newsworthy Event

Hey, Reddit.

My name is Irina Vasilieva. I'm 14-years-old and from Moscow. I recently got transferred to a nicer prison facility (I ran over my mom's boyfriend.) and am allowed more communication. There is so much useless misinformation being spread about #the12, and I think people deserve to know _way_ more than they do.

To start with, my dad is Konstantin Vasiliev. He's an FSB agent by day, but he's a handler for the Twelve the rest of the time. Handlers are in charge of their assassins. They give out orders and targets etc. My dad was a handler for an assassin called Villanelle, whose real name is Oksana. She thinks she's awesome but she only knows European languages. I met her because she is the world's biggest arsehole, and last year she KIDNAPPED me and locked my mom in a cupboard. She was also the one who encouraged me to kill my mom's boyfriend. She took me hitchhiking and joyriding and taught me to pickpocket. I watched her ex-girlfriend blow her own brains out.

Clearly, I have been traumatized here.

Villanelle kidnapped me because the Twelve told her to kill my dad so she was using me as bait. She took us to Café Radozhny, and my dad showed up with Eve Polastri, the British agent who was chasing after her. Villanelle held me hostage until she received her passport in exchange, and then she shot my dad anyway. Afterward, my family had to go into witness protection in the UK for a while.

Anyway my dad is a huge shit. He did nothing to protect us from the Twelve or Villanelle or FSB or MI6. He stole millions from the Twelve and planned for us to escape to Cuba, but it fell through like all his plans do. That was months ago. He left me in here and has only called on the phone since. I don't even care if they make him a target again.

So go ahead. Ask me about my awful dad or his awful assassin and her ridiculous personal life. I know far more than anyone has ever wanted me to.

**candlestucked** 1h  
If this whole Twelve thing is real, aren't you worried about them trying to kill you for talking?

> **MyDadsInCuba** 1h  
>  No. Let them come. Do you know how _boring_ juvenile detention is? I'd rather be dead!

* * *

**FRANCE 24** @FRANCE24  
Ongoing investigation into a Saint-Tropez double homicide has a new suspect f24.my/9sCh.t

**Victor Fabron** @vicfabron  
Replying to @FRANCE24  
In case you didn't know, my uncle was murdered at my little cousin's birthday party in February

**Victor Fabron** @vicfabron  
Replying to @vicfabron  
His assailant was found with him, and they had both been shot in the head.

**Victor Fabron** @vicfabron  
Replying to @vicfabron  
The assailant's name was FELIX BORISOV. I started to wonder if it was #the12 (my uncle was shady)

**Victor Fabron** @vicfabron  
Replying to @vicfabron  
Felix came as a clown with a partner. (Yes clowns.) We have photos of the party.

**Victor Fabron** @vicfabron  
Replying to @vicfabron  
I sent some pics to @BinDesigns to photoshop the clown makeup off pics.bingraphics.com/29182293

**Victor Fabron** @vicfabron  
Replying to @vicfabron  
MyDadsInCuba on Reddit confirmed that this is the Villanelle!

**Victor Fabron** @vicfabron  
Replying to @vicfabron  
@theBitterPill please share #Villanelle #the12

**Samira Jean** @SamiraJeann  
Replying to @vicfabron  
I swear this was a patient of ours. We have her on CCTV following the murder of a young boy.

**Roose Kuznetsov** @rooseterxol  
Replying to @vicfabron  
I am a prison guard outside Moscow. That inmate killed Nadia Kadomtseva. Her name is Popova.

**Teresa Falco** @teresafalcc  
Replying to @vicfabron  
Wow my girlfriend and I hung out with her once in London. Was an interesting night…

**abby hummel** @abbyhumsit  
Replying to @vicfabron  
that woman tried to choke me to death in amsterdam until some old dude pulled her away. fuck her.

**Dominik Wolanski** @domwolanski  
Replying to @vicfabron  
I met that lady at the Polastris' for dinner a couple weeks after the Kasia Molkovska murder @theBitterPill wrote about

**go your own way** @tinaontherocks  
Replying to @domwolanski  
you actually had dinner with Villanelle???

**Dominik Wolanski** @domwolanski  
Replying to @tinaontherocks  
no she was having dinner with Eve before we got there then she left. if that's her, I mean.

**Puppet String Crimes** @PuppetPodcast  
Everyone, please send any anonymous tips you have on #Villanelle or #the12 to us at puppet.fm/tips

**BuzzFeed News** @BuzzFeedNews  
That Viral Reddit AMA Explained: Just Who is Villanelle? www.buzzfeednews.com...

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @BuzzFeedNews  
FINALLY! I'm famous!!! #bringdownthe12

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
*she's famous

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Any questions for Villanelle can be tweeted here. I have a direct line. She smells like power and @laVillanelle no.7

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @villanellenews  
she smells like desperation and three day old kopveska

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
w O W

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
she also snores too loud and is a stage five sleep clinger

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
yeah well you sleep in XL men's t-shirts like you don't know how sexy you are

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @villanellenews  
I can think of nothing sexier than a sleep apnea mask, you should look into that

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
you are so hurtful

* * *

**Europe**

Did Russia Have Matei Nicolescu Killed?

** Witnesses link Russian assassin to minister's death **

The case has been reopened, with a growing catalogue of assassinations supporting it

Oct 14th 2019

ON MARCH 26TH 2019, Romanian Minister of Foreign Affairs, Matei Nicolescu, had been set for a scheduled appearance on nightly news talk-show, _Vorbesc seara_. During pre-interview maintenance, Nicolescu was murdered in the hair and makeup room, sending shockwaves through Romania. Blood belonging to an unknown female was found at the scene. Authorities suspected it was the studio stylist that was filling in that day. Producers of the program claimed never to have met her before but that replacements, "weren't out of the ordinary." Now there may be evidence that the stylist was actually an assassin belonging to the Twelve.

Read more at economist.com

* * *

**Puppet String Crimes** @PuppetPodcast  
This week we're taking a look at Villanelle and #the12 🎧: puppet.fm/the12

**Puppet String Crimes** @PuppetPodcast  
Replying to @PuppetPodcast  
We received and vetted your tips! Evidence of potential #Villanelle assassinations A VISUAL THREAD:

**Curt Palmer: USA Strong** @CurtPalmer74  
How do the Scots phrase it? Bonny lass?

**Curt Palmer: USA Strong** @CurtPalmer74  
Replying to @PuppetPodcast  
I watched that bonny lass take a golf club to her mother's head in Aberdeen.

**Curt Palmer: USA Strong** @CurtPalmer74  
Replying to @CurtPalmer74  
She told me to run away afterward. I nearly thought I was going to die in that vile countryside.

**Curt Palmer: USA Strong** @CurtPalmer74  
Replying to @CurtPalmer74  
Let this be a lesson to all the young men out there wondering whether or not they should help pretty girls in need.

**Amber Peel CEO** @heyaitsambs  
Replying to @PuppetPodcast  
OMG I know her! We met in AA. that's Billy Marie Morgan. You're telling me that she was an assassin? AND Russian?

**Amber Peel CEO** @heyaitsambs  
Replying to @heyaitsambs  
she was really good at accents then!!!

**Amber Peel CEO** @heyaitsambs  
Replying to @heyaitsambs  
I wonder if she knows who killed my psycho brother. he took her to rome you know

**Amber Peel CEO** @heyaitsambs  
Replying to @heyaitsambs  
oh mY GOD WAIT. do you think she did it??????

**Amber Peel CEO** @heyaitsambs  
Replying to @heyaitsambs  
#majorfacepalm

**davy, still in the navy** @daviddiva  
for a super secret assassin, does everybody have a #villanelle story?

**ulrich von liechtenstein** @SerUlrich  
Replying to @daviddiva  
#IKnowVillanelle

**chad richard dawson** @chadawson  
Replying to @PuppetPodcast  
hey isn't that clown the hot one from that lesbian bus video?

**Mick Rhodell** @OnTheRhodell  
Replying to @chadawson  
oh shit it might be!! Lemme find it youtu.be/le58Yf7Qbu

**Mick Rhodell** @OnTheRhodell  
@chadawson the crazy one was hot too tho

**Maria Del Olmo** @mariadelolmos  
Replying to @OnTheRhodell  
I know this woman! She is my wife!! ella es la peor de todas

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
@villanellenews YOU'RE MARRIED?

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
…let's not dwell on the past

* * *

My Unknown Life as an Assassin's Wife

Maria Del Olmo  
Oct 18 • 7 min read

Rome is the eternal city. I never would have known that to be true if not for one fateful business trip last year. It has since become eternal for me: An eternal suffering. Most would define Rome using its architecture, its history, and its religion. I can point only to an airport.

My feet were sore. I had yet to eat dinner. I doubt I looked my best. I only wanted to get home to Spain. Suddenly, I looked up from my seat at the airport's bar, and there she was. Gorgeous and charming. I'll never forget what she said to me. She introduced herself by saying, impromptu, "I'm going wherever you are going." Her ability to make you feel as though you were the only person in the world was unparalleled.

Against my better judgment, I took her home. We began a whirlwind affair. She never told me what she did for a living. The name she gave me was fake. I knew nothing about her outside of what she could make me feel. I spent two months more in love than I ever could have dreamed before she proposed. What followed was lies, betrayal, and intrigue.

Continue Reading at medium.com

* * *

**Teen Vogue** @TeenVogue  
How the Twelve Preyed on LGBTQ Recruits: tnvge.co/BhK7KL

**Chloe Karim** @chlochlo **  
** Replying to @TeenVogue **  
** teen vogue, on it as always. this is exactly what we've been talking about after the @PuppetPodcast

**nate dunn** @nathanieldunny  
Replying to @chlochlo  
igdi?

**Chloe Karim** @chlochlo  
Replying to @nathanieldunny  
#the12 is clearly like super queer, but for their assassins they looked for troubled lgbtq who had no other options

**Chloe Karim** @chlochlo  
Paul Bradwell: openly gay and recently divorced #memoirtitlealert

**Chloe Karim** @chlochlo  
Felix Borisov: killed his boyfriend's tormentors

**Chloe Karim** @chlochlo  
Nadia Kadomtseva: was prison girlfriends with villanelle

**Chloe Karim** @chlochlo  
then you've got the entire #villanelle saga

**dawn klibourn** @dawnK1998  
Replying to @chlochlo  
villanelle's wife just wrote about their sham marriage in @Medium

**Chloe Karim** @chlochlo  
Replying to @dawnK1998  
I saw. I think villanelle was just laying low with her. clearly they were still after her post rome

**Michelle** @lagturtle  
Replying to @chlochlo  
i'm more curious about the ex. villanelle's wife kept mentioning how V would constantly bring up her dead ex

**Michelle** @lagturtle  
Replying to @chlochlo  
because it's obvs not the one who shot herself in Russia

**Chloe Karim** @chlochlo  
Replying to @lagturtle  
idk, all of this just sounds more and more tragic

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
dear twitter: please there is no grand gay conspiracy here

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
I've stayed silent long enough at my lawyer's advisement

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
you want to know about Villanelle and #the12 then look into Eve Polastri

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
literally all of this is happening because Eve wanted to boff an assassin #murderwives

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
I know everything. Any exclusive you want. Earpiece threesomes. Cleanup ops.

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
I am currently suing MI6 because of the injuries sustained during an unauthorized operation in Rome

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
I was shot by #the12 and Eve Polastri left me dying in a hotel to check on her girlfriend

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
Who was her girlfriend? #VILLANELLE the Russian assassin MI6 HIRED to kill Aaron Peel

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
who by the way was also a total psychopath

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
Aaron Peel paid for way more people to be killed than just Alister Peel

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
Eve commissioned Villanelle to torture an assassin on Peel's payroll AKA the Ghost

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
he was trying to sell his software to #the12 and MI6 offed him for it, good riddance

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
MI6 covered up all this and much more

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
but that's all the tea I'm willing to spill for now #bringdownthe12 #exposeMI6

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
and if you can all share my LinkedIn profile, much obliged www.linkedin.com/in/hugoturner

**Three boys, a goat, and a dancing bear!** @justbear  
Replying to @HugoTurner  
Eve & Villanelle? that certainly adds some perspective #murderwives indeed

**dawn klibourn** @dawnK1998  
Replying to @justbear and @HugoTurner  
so is Eve the ex in @mariadelolmos piece? is she still alive? the public deserves to know #murderwivesmystery

* * *

**What Does the Murder of the Peel Company Founder Have to Do With the Twelve? **

A former MI6 spy recounts his time working to solve Alister Peel's murder.

By Jamie Hayward | @jhayward | 21 Oct 2019 12:00 pm BST

When you hear "Oxbridge," Hugo Turner is the exact image that comes to mind. He has mentioned his Oxford degree twice since sitting down.

Turner was approached by MI6 straight out of university for his connections and aptitude. "I took the job so I wouldn't get bored in my life," he is quick to tell us, much like any twenty-something of privilege would. An optimistic take tells you that the job was certainly anything but boring.

For nearly a year, Turner has been in a legal battle with the SIS over injuries that occurred during an operation in Rome. His lawsuit resides on the fact that the operation had been unauthorized, unbeknownst to Turner and the rest of his team. Of his team, only Jess Granger remains working for MI6 but declined to comment on our story.

While surveilling Aaron Peel of Peel Company fame, Turner was shot by men working for the Twelve. His list of healed wounds and ongoing recovery is never-ending. I'm amazed he's able to sit without assistance and talk of his accomplishments with such verbosity to us at all.

Read More at thebitterpill.com

* * *

**HuffPost UK** @HuffPostUK  
Late tech boss Aaron Peel allegedly wanted to sell security software to Russian assassins huffp.st/nhwcU7d

**NPR** @NPR  
JUST IN: New light shed on the murder of Aaron Peel. Former agent alleges MI6, "had him assassinated" to subdue threat. trib.al/cVYrtJ2

**VICE** @VICE  
New: Did British spies hire a former assassin of the Twelve to kill Aaron Peel? bit.ly/97JLr4f

**Vox** @voxdotcom  
Peel Company tied to Russian Crime Organization, the Twelve bit.ly/9WULVdS

**Daily Mail U.K.** @DailyMailUK  
Meghan Markle once attended Peel Company Fundraiser but no sign of any affiliation with Russian crime lords trib.al/LkSNbhv

**Amber Peel CEO** @heyaitsambs  
my brother may have killed our father for company shares but he was NOT a part of #the12 #factcheck

**Oxford grad '15** @HugoTurner  
Why is Peel the main takeaway from my article? Did you MISS the agent/assassin affair and all around disaster of Eve Polastri?

**Jin Yeong** @jinyeong  
You're all looking in the wrong place. An overrated tech guru is irrelevant.

**Jin Yeong** @jinyeong  
China uncovered several moles belonging to #the12 internationally. The results were damning.

**Jin Yeong** @jinyeong  
I'm not saying FSB and #the12 are one in the same. But I'm not NOT saying it either.

* * *

**_Chinese Attaché Tweets, Implying the Twelve Corrupted Russian Intelligence_ **

The conspiracy surrounding Russian crime syndicate, the Twelve, continues to deepen as it's linked to Federal Security in Moscow.

**By Maris Douglas**

October 24, 2019, 7:15 p.m. ET

**Thanks for reading The Times.**

Create your free account or log in to continue reading nytimes.com.

* * *

**The Washington Post** @washingtonpost  
Perspective: China Wants U.S. to Fear Russian Corruption wapo.st/46SwPjb

**MSNBC** @MSNBC  
Americans believe #the12 threatened government security, poll finds. nbcnews.to/7glQP5

**Fox News** @FoxNews  
Democrats Blame 2016 Election Loss on Russian Crime Syndicate fxn.ws/p96hj14

* * *

**Cuba **

** FSB Agent: Konstantin Vasiliev found in Cuba **

Russia's security officer who made off with stealing €6M from the Twelve denies everything

**Sam Townsend** _and_ **Jasika Patel** _in Havana_

Wed 30 Oct 2019 10.45 GMT

Konstantin Vasiliev's name has filtered in and out of the news recently. First mentioned in relation to the Twelve in his daughter's viral Reddit entry, mystery has surrounded his role in the organization versus his position with FSB versus his relationship to MI6.

A former agent of the KGB, Vasiliev began working for FSB in the early '90s. He is alleged to have begun working for the Twelve in 2010, predating MI6's knowledge of the organization by several years. Vasiliev was said to have worked as a handler for the Twelve's assassins. Most notably, his last charge is suspected of killing Romanian Minister Matei Nicolescu, Russian politician and sex trafficker Victor Kedrin, Sicilian mafia boss Cesare Greco, and Aaron Peel amongst others.

But by April 2019, Vasiliev appeared to have gone off the grid. Six million euros were stolen weeks before from an account belonging to the Twelve. Vasiliev has been accused of being the culprit. In September, €3M appeared in Dr. Oleg Krupin's account. Krupin is the psychiatrist overseeing the criminal sentence of Vasiliev's daughter, Irina Vasilieva. Following the bank transfer, Irina Vasilieva was immediately released from a juvenile detention centre in Moscow into an educational program for rehabilitation. Krupin responded to our inquiries and has denied all allegations.

Following an anonymous lead, we tracked down Konstantin Vasiliev in Old Havana, Cuba. Vasiliev has been living under the pseudonym Oskar Bähr, working as a local fisherman. He was no sooner to affirm what appears to be his overwhelming ties to the Twelve or FSB corruption.

> **JASIKA PATEL:** Are you still working for the Twelve?
> 
> **KONSTANTIN VASILIEV:** [ _laughs_ ]
> 
> **Q:** Are you still working for FSB or MI6?
> 
> **VASILIEV:** [ _laughs cont_.]
> 
> **Q:** What happened to the €6M you stole from the Twelve? Did you make payments to a Dr. Oleg Krupin to garner you daughter an early release?
> 
> **VASILIEV:** [ _laughs stop_ ] Okay. Okay. Do you really think if any of what you say is true that I would still be alive? This is ridiculous.
> 
> **Q:** Why are you hiding in Cuba under an assumed identity?
> 
> **VASILIEV:** I recently suffered a massive heart attack. My doctors said I should find a way to destress. I decided to take a holiday.
> 
> **Q:** According to your medical records, this occurred in Scotland in late March. You shared a hospital room with Dasha Duzran, another member of the Twelve. She died a day after you were both checked in. Were you still there when this occurred?
> 
> **VASILIEV:** Dasha? Dasha who? I do not know who you are speaking of.
> 
> **Q:** She is alleged to have trained the Twelve assassin called Villanelle. The same assassin you were alleged to have been handler of. Also known as, Oksana Astankova.
> 
> **VASILIEV:** I have never met a Villanelle, but she sounds like a menace. Huge shit. Very annoying, I am sure. I am _also_ sure I would remember something like that. Where are you getting your information? You are very wrong, my friend.
> 
> **Q:** Your daughter and the several news sources that have confirmed her story.
> 
> **VASILIEV:** Irina. [ _laughs loudly_ ] Irina is a little girl. She is not well in the head. Did you hear what she did to my ex-wife's boyfriend? Such a nice man. She is very troubled. We are trying to rehabilitate her the best we can. It has been a hard time for our family.
> 
> **Q:** So you deny having any knowledge of the Twelve?
> 
> **VASILIEV:** No. I will not go that far. Part of working at FSB is looking out for such radical organizations. We heard whispers and did our own investigations. You want the Twelve, look into Paul Bradwell. Charles Kruger. Raymond Arnell. They are your enemy. They are who you want.
> 
> **Q:** Yes, they are known members of the Twelve, but they are all dead.
> 
> **VASILIEV:** There you go. Problem solved.
> 
> **Q:** Are you saying the Twelve has been dismantled due to these deaths?
> 
> **VASILIEV:** I am saying stop looking so closely, and maybe then you'll start to see things clearly. This is not just Russia, you understand? That is key. _If_ someone was looking for a way to say, bring down the Twelve, they should start internationally.

Read More at theguardian.com

* * *

**Deadline Hollywood** @DEADLINE  
Paul Feig eyeing rights to #the12 story dlvr.it/MZ6Jfb

**mel drake** @melsdrakes  
Replying to @DEADLINE  
damn i guess this means we're really never getting Spy 2

**Tracy Shawback** @showerleaf  
#the12 story has become WAY too complicated

**Colm Haines** @AttackOTheColm  
Replying to @showerleaf  
unless they leak the rest of the trump dossier next, I don't care anymore

**Tracy Shawback** @showerleaf  
I was told it was some epic wlw romance in the news but it's all spies and assassins and tech bro nonsense, literally idgaf

**breakfast at midnight** @reesesno  
Replying to @showerleaf  
it's not that hard to follow

**Tracy Shawback** @showerleaf  
Replying to @iamJo99  
w/e, does someone want to explain it to me?

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @showerleaf  
basically there is this mostly Russian organization of assassins that only kills important people around the world

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
no one knows why or what they even want lol

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
the peel company wanted to sell them spy software and the British killed the ceo for it, using an assassin from #the12

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
probably because #the12 has moles in tons of security and intelligence agencies globally

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
the assassins #the12 hire all seem to come from prison and they fake their deaths

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
there was one assassin #villanelle who fell in love with the woman investigating her at MI6: Eve Polastri

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
that totally fucked everything up for #the12 like, it's the ONLY reason the org was compromised

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
because now we know all this stuff like how Eve's exhusband was stabbed by a Twelve trainer

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
and how the son of a top shot MI6 agent was pushed off a roof

**i am sleepy sara** @sleepysara  
Replying to @sleepysara  
and it's HILARIOUS because basically this random lesbian soap opera has obliterated an entire underground murder scheme LMAO

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @sleepysara  
I know, ehem, secondhand that this is all true. that's almost exactly how it happened

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
#the12 tried to lock Villanelle back up in prison because she refused to kill her handler Konstantin who was like FAMILY to her (1/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
then when they made her shoot him #the12 sent a cleanup team to her incredibly stylish Parisian flat (2/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
they stabbed her and left her to die, and she would have if Eve didn't show up to SAVE HER LIFE (3/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
when Villanelle agreed to work for MI6 in order to make the world safe #the12 sent a monster to Rome (4/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
this man tried to chop Eve and Villanelle up with an AXE (5/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
then they shot Eve in scenic ruins and Villanelle was barely able to escape and call for help! (6/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
soon they sent Dasha (a failed Olympian) back in to keep them apart for MONTHS (7/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
that was why Dasha shish-kebabed Eve's moustache who Villanelle had only ever been respectful to (8/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
#the12 tried to destroy Eve and Villanelle's #onceinalifetime romance while hurting so many innocents along the way (9/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
#the12 MUST be stopped for good, and MI6 is refusing to help. that is why Eve no longer works for them (10/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
Villanelle suggests looking into a S E X Y rich French woman that calls herself Hélène. that is how we'll #bringdownthe12 (11/?)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @villanellenews  
Hélène is very powerful and she touches her employees inappropriately! (12/12) #HA

**Elizabeth W Morgan** @mslizmorgan  
Replying to @villanellenews  
so what happened to Eve and Villanelle?

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @mslizmorgan  
they are living happily ever after in a remote Alaskan village #murderwivesmysterysolved

**Elizabeth W Morgan** @mslizmorgan  
Replying to @villanellenews  
it really is a story of perseverance that Eve and Villanelle were able to find their way back to each other 💕

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @mslizmorgan  
couldn't! agree! more! #lovewins

**mary lou** @marylbaxter  
@villanellenews how do you know any of this exactly?

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @marylbaxter  
She's a renowned interior designer. Villanelle favors her upholstery #chicasshit

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
😊

**Three boys, a goat, and a dancing bear!** @justbear  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
that could also be read as chic ass hit

**Three boys, a goat, and a dancing bear!** @justbear  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
or I guess chica's shit?

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @justbear  
I thought I told you not to contact me over twitter

**Three boys, a goat, and a dancing bear!** @justbear  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
but you're so obvious…

**Three boys, a goat, and a dancing bear!** @justbear  
hey @tallulahshark how did you ever work for national security?

**Jamie Hayward** @jhayward  
Replying to @justbear  
mate, it's the government

**Three boys, a goat, and a dancing bear!** @justbear  
Replying to @jhayward  
too true

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @justbear and @jhayward  
no more exclusives for you

* * *

**To:** jamie.hayward@bitterpill.com  
**From:** martinthedog@outlook.com  
**Subject:** CODENAME HÉLÈNE

> I trust that I can come to you with certain information of consequence. While we are at odds with the opinion of government intelligence, we share a mutual end goal. This works in your favour. You wish to expose the Twelve for the world to see, and I wish to see them fall. Currently, you are more likely to see this through than our offices, I'm chagrined to say.
> 
> I am coming to you as you have turned out to be, and I cannot emphasize this enough, incomprehensibly influential for what I can only call a blog. Should you act accordingly, the documents I have attached will be one of the proverbial final nails, as it were. The Twelve will have no choice but to make their inevitable dismemberment. I suspect they will eventually regroup, but for now, this shall weaken them.
> 
> Run the story, if you know what's good for you. I will take your launching point and handle cutting though the remaining threads soon enough.
> 
> Sincerest regards,
> 
> A friend
> 
> **attached below:**  
>  xzfkk44.zip

* * *

**the truth must be swallowed** @theBitterPill  
A Branch of the Twelve Hierarchy Revealed btrpl.co/Vs1H5P

**The Telegraph** @Telegraph  
Former DGSE operative under fire for having ties to the Twelve www.telegraph.co.uk/...

**Le Parisien** @le_Parisien  
Marion Baudelaire exposée. Pourquoi "Hélène?" ➡️ l.leparisien.fr/MtB

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @le_Parisien  
I knew that wasn't her real name

* * *

INTERVIEW

**Carolyn Martens interview: the agent at MI6 who unmasks the monsters of the world**

The longtime spy sits down to deliver an unprecedented interview for unprecedented times

Nadine Rosenberg | Sunday 10 November 2019, 12.01am GMT, The Sunday Times

It isn't everyday one finds themselves entertaining a government spy in their apartment. Typically, writers don't meet those they interview in their own home but rather somewhere more impersonal. My job usually brings me to a neutral location that will tell me something inconsequential but intriguing of my subject. It's the easiest of introductions. But Carolyn Martens insisted this take place here. It occurs to me early on that this choice was calculated, for now I'll have to describe something of my life and nothing of hers.

I watch as she scrutinizes my art décor, my potted plants, my taste in music and books. She pauses on a photo of a holiday I took to Lucerne three years ago and asks whether or not I stumbled upon an "excellent little bistro" near Chapel Bridge. She can't recall the name but does recommend the pita sandwiches. I begin to feel as if I am the one being interviewed. Carolyn Martens cuts an imposing figure as she finally sits across from me, and I can imagine how that might have its uses in her line of work.

She's seemingly relaxed, as though she has been here before. She's dressed professionally in a way that she knows will garner respect and attention, yet there is something perfectly non-descript about her outfit of choice. A white, silk button-down tucked into a grey pair of trousers. Not a hair on her head appears out of place. In Martens's presence you can almost believe this is her natural state. Rather than styling herself to appear perfectly put together, you can almost be duped into imagining she rolls out of bed this way.

I suspect it's all an illusion. She's aloof but approachable. She does not crack any smiles but does not give the impression that she finds this endeavor of the day to be serious either. Carolyn Martens, like any decent intelligence agent, ensures that she is impossible to read. When I finally ask after the unusual nature of MI6 sending out an agent to be interviewed, she replies, "In truth, I'd rather have done this with _Private Eye_ given the choice. I do enjoy a good bit of news parody." I haven't the slightest clue whether or not she's joking when she says this, and like everything else within this clever design, I suppose that says more about me than it does her.

There's much that can be written about an MI6 agent that has been active since the mid '70s. Martens hails from a line of spies, humorously referred to as, "the family business." She first began to make a name for herself in espionage during the last stages of the Cold War. In her time, she has cultivated many Russian assets, undermined a Soviet scheme of selling weapons-grade plutonium, and more recently, extracted a former ambassador out of Lebanon without fuss.

Currently, she once again heads the Russian Desk. Her work over the past two years at this station has recently been exposed to the public. MI6 reports of a private organization of assassins with ties to Russia were first leaked back in September. Since then there has been a firestorm of news reports and blog entries and various takes across all social media platforms. Spies, assassins, international politics. It is what conspiracy theorists dream of.

Yet there is truth in these reports as well. The fact that this interview is taking place at all is evidence of that. The SIS wants this story to be over and with good reason. A favourable opinion of MI6's handling of the organization that call themselves the Twelve is that the agency was stifled by commonplace incompetence that exists in most offices. A more sinister perspective is that MI6 was less interested in dissolving the Twelve and more interested in using their services.

Martens has little respect for outside opinions and makes it clear this sit-down is an attempt to clear up what has either way become a PR nightmare. "We all have higher-ups to answer to, I suppose," is her only stance on the matter. It's impossible to know whether or not she's here on her own volition. I assume she doesn't appreciate being the lamb led to slaughter. I also assume that's exactly what she wants me to assume.

She wastes no time and is straightforward to the point of discomfort. I ask about her work investigating the Twelve, and she has no desire to talk of the past. "It's all out there for the world to see now, after all," she tells me, unapologetic. Martens only wishes to speak of the current state of the Twelve, in which, she believes there is none:

"Far more has come out about them than of our involvement. For an organization such as the Twelve to survive, they must maintain secrecy. Remove the cloak and the monster beneath disappears. We have recorded no known activity in recent weeks. It's almost as if they never existed. I would say with the utmost certainty that the Twelve will not be heard from again."

Continue reading at thetimes.co.uk

* * *

**BBC News (UK)** @BBCNews  
Reinstated head of the Russian Desk Carolyn Martens tells @thesundaytimes that, "The Twelve has been neutralized." bbc.in/8vLP4tK

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
I honestly did not think that would work @villanellenews

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
and we didn't even have to do anything…I'm a little grumpy about that part

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
told you so

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
the power of the internet is a very impressive thing if you want to completely waste your life on it

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
Replying to @villanellenews  
says the woman who spent four hours in a three meter wide boutique earlier

**no.1 kill commander** @tallulahshark  
hey @villanellenews did you pick up the scallions?

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
Replying to @tallulahshark  
you know you could be texting me these things instead, yes?

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
@tallulahshark or better, you could forget about pretending you cook and come upstairs already

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
@tallulahshark we both know you can only embalm yourself from the inside with frozen dinners 🤢

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
@tallulahshark don't be mad! think only of the good times!! #webroughtdownthe12 #murderwivesstaywinning

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
@tallulahshark 💄🪓🚌🧸🌉😍 [youtu.be/lcOxhH8N3Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcOxhH8N3Bo)

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
you blocked me????

**just a totally honest fan account** @villanellenews  
EVEEEEEEEEEE


End file.
